Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
