how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
