I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my being single is dangerous.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
