Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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