no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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