dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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