Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I die, sorry about rent.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
