TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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