nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
