I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
