Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
