Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
