my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
