we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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