Already got asked if we're dating
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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