You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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