We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
