Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
