No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
