We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
