I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
