Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wear drunk well.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
