I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize