Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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