I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
