I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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