I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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