My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The air was thick with penises
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
