Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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