i can't believe i had my finger in that
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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