I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
