never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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