we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
