Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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