He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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