the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
