its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
