Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
