im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
