Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
