I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
