found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
