Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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