I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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