I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
