I want to make a zoo with you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
