I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
