I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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