so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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