look no pants
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize