Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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