Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
