Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
