dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
