I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You are the jesus of drinking
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
