I think my vagina is haunted
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
