Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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