WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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