Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
