I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
