like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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