I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
