Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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