i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
