Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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