I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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