After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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