One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
